Assertiveness is defined as self-assured confidence. Many people have found the perfect balance for being assertive while others take it to the extreme. All too often though, most people aren’t assertive enough. We generally think of this as low self esteem because they won’t speak up for themselves in certain situations.
Let’s discuss all three of these types of assertiveness and ways to help you reach a happy balance of when to assert yourself and when to simply speak up and say no to something.
First we’ll talk about those people who never speak up or assert themselves at all. They are usually very smart but something holds them back from taking chances or reaching for big goals. These types of people often try to please everyone and have a hard time saying no to requests.
If you fall into this category, it’s likely that you take on jobs you don’t really want and often allow others to take credit for the work you do. This isn’t always a given, but many people who have low self esteem fall into this pattern.
To help overcome this you need to tell yourself that you are worth getting the credit. Your time is just as valuable as everyone elses and you deserve to be in control of it. You do not have to do everything to please everyone.
Once you start asserting yourself more, you should notice that people actually have more respect for you. It may shock them at first and may make some people mad, but eventually they will see your value, especially if you value yourself.
Second we’ll talk about those people who have found their perfect balance. They are often busy and productive but make time to help others, give others credit where it is due and usually have a lot of friends and are well liked by most everyone.
These people also know when to say no. They are not hateful about it but they communicate very well that they simply don’t have time. However, if they have some free time to help others they are more than happy to accommodate them.
They also have a silent confidence about themselves. They are rarely boastful but you can tell they hold themselves in high regard and carry a pride about themselves and the work they do.
If you know someone who has a good balance of assertiveness you can study them and learn from them. Do not mimic them but simply pay attention to how they carry themselves, conduct themselves and communicate with others. Then you can start developing those habits for yourself in your own manner.
The third type is the person who is overly assertive, almost to the point of being aggressive. In fact, some of these people are aggressive. Now there’s nothing wrong with being aggressive with your goals, but not to the detriment or belittlement of others.
People who are overly assertive can tend to be rude and no one wants to be around them. They often feel as if they are right and everyone else is wrong. They rarely take responsibility for their mistakes and they don’t like to compromise.
If you find yourself in this category, you need to come down a notch, so to speak. Start being aware of how you act and treat others. Learn to compromise. Other people have great ideas too and you’d do well to let them have some of the glory. You’ll also find that people like you more when you develop a better attitude and stop trying to be right all the time.
If you want to find that perfect balance, learn to express your feelings in a kind way and be respectful of others but never allow people to walk all over you. Take charge and be in control of yourself. Practice the art of give and take.
What is your assertiveness level? Leave a comment, I read them all.